Brain dump #3 – Uncomfortably Lucid: A dream segment.

Dreams have always fascinated me.

You close your eyes, lull off to sleep, but your brain and body are still going a mile a minute healing the days wear and tear.

I always imagined dreaming kind of working like this:

Imagine your thoughts float around your brain like a bunch of dollar bills in a cash wind machine. Similar to the ones on game shows, and your brain is just a miniature version of you frantically trying to catch whatever cash it can. You come out of the wind machine completely out of breath, hair and clothes a mess, with a huge smile on your face and hardly any cash. The meager cash winnings are representative of your dreams. Just your brains random grasps of whatever flies by.

This is just my understanding, But, I’m no scientist. 😂

I would, however, classify myself as an “active” dreamer.

In both the literal and romantic senses.

My nights are filled with elements of sci-fi, action, and bizarre circumstances. Most of the time in a serene deep slumber.

However, every once in a blue moon, I will experience these dreams with an overwhelming lucidity.

A few years ago, I was having stress induced lucid nightmares.

Yeah …..not fun.

It took me awhile to figure out it what was causing it. Although, once I put two and two together, my lucid night terrors stopped.

The power of knowledge, my dear readers, the power of knowledge.

I would experience two different types of lucid dreaming.

1) I genuinely thought I was awake while actually sleeping.

In my dream everything would look and feel the same as it did right before I had closed my eyes. Giving me the illusion as if my eyes where still open.

During these types of dreams I would experience phantom touches and auditory hallucinations. I.e. feeling something brush my hair behind my ear, or hearing a little girl whisper, “Hello, who are you?”.

Of course this scared the ever loving shit out of me and would jolt me awake. Only after being scared awake, would I realize I was dreaming in the first place.

Or maybe It was a ghost? Ha! I’m not against the possibility.

And the answer is: No.

No I could not fall back asleep after that.

Then there was:

2) I would be “awake” in my dream.

The more common type of lucid dreaming, and hence its name. This felt like waking up in a spirit realm, Or, more like an alternate universe? The reason I say that is because I would “wake up” to me being in my room just the way it was before I fell asleep. Except this time, everything was blurry and distorted. It looked like everything was somehow spinning and had a blurry windy effect. Everything the same but not quite right.

I would realize I was dreaming, but not knowing what to do, I would start to panic.

My instinct everytime was to scream myself awake. Of course, no sound would come out. I would then realize that I couldn’t move, sleep paralysis.

Eventually I would scare myself awake.

Now, both of these versions had the same two things in common every time.

1) I always woke up terrified and bewildered.

2) They took place in my room.

The dream was always set to where I fell asleep. Confusing my reality even more.

Who knows, maybe that room was some sort of twilight zone. Ha!

This lasted for about three months. Off and on of course. Not every night for three months. Could you imagine?

Nah….f*ck that.

As I mentioned before, as soon as I realized they where stress induced, they stopped.

Until three nights ago….

This dream was entirely different. This one was a third type of lucid encounter.

3) I “woke up” in my dream, and the setting was not where I fell asleep.

I was vaguely dreaming about walking up hill. It was a dirt road with fields of grain on either side. As I was walking, I suddenly became very lucid. It literally felt like I “woke up” in my dream. Everything still looked vague and out of focus, the only things that where clear where my hands and the road. I immediately felt very uncomfortable and confused.

The other two versions I was lucid the entire time. This felt like: dream state, lucid, then trying to get back to dream state.

What do I do?

I didnt feel scared…..

All I kept thinking was:

“How do I fall back asleep in my dream?”

Then:

“Can I walk around? No. Can I change the scenery? No.”

Then back to:

“HOW THE F*CK DO I FALL BACK ASLEEP?!”

I finally did “fall back asleep” in my dream. I woke up what felt like a few hours later.

In conclusion, though lucid dreaming is fascinating, I find them to be ultimately uncomfortable and scary. Maybe one day I’ll be able to control them better?

Has anyone else had similar experiences?

Thank you for reading. ❤