Fear

“Terror stretches time- all of hell can exist in a moment.”

-The Revolution of Marina M.

-Janet Fitch

I think this line is beautiful.

I’m not sure why.

It’s not about a beautiful thing.

Or a beautiful concept.

Such a poetic way to describe fear.

Fear- such an ugly thing.

In this blog, I write about quotes and lines that take me off guard, grab my attention, make me stop. They always grip me on a personal and relatable level.

This one took my breath.

I’ve gotten into the terrible habit of letting Fear control my life.

I’ve been extremely fortunate to have not had many truly terrifying experiences. However, somewhere, somehow, I let fear creep in little by little through my anxiety and depression. Seeping into my body like a toxic gas leak.

It truly does morph your perception of time and reality as you know it.

I’m trying my hardest to combat my fears.

I hope you are too.

I hope you find healthy outlets to help you cope.

Find something that can turn the ugliness of your life, into something beautiful.

The picture above is a concept piece I made.

I had so much hurt and anxiety built up inside me, fathered by fear.

I angrily jotted down a poem to rid myself of the toxic emotions. As soon as I finished the poem, I decided I wanted to turn my ugliness into beauty.

Regain control and power.

That symbolic transformation birthed the portrait above.

It’s something just for me.

A constant reminder that I have the power to transform.

My foundations may be crude, but the finished product is beautifully me.

Fear to Love.

Terror to Beauty.

Take back your life and your time.

Thank you for reading. ❤

L….is for the way you look at me.

“Love was such a mixture of things, each love with it’s own flavor and spice.”

-The Revolution of Marina M.

-Janet Fitch

This post is about L.O.V.E….

LOVE BABY!

Famously and widely know as one of the most powerful forces and emotions on earth.

I am extremely grateful for the overwhelming abundance of love I have in my life.

Not just in my life presently, but have always had.

However, just like everyone else, love has proven to be a much broader spectrum than I could have ever imagined.

Just like Bubba  from the movie Forest Gump, we can list off all the types of love we can think of:

Friendship love

Lustful love

Selfish love

Unrequanted love

Motherly love

Loyal love

And the list could go on and on.

*Side note– I just realized you could turn this post into a drinking game of how many times I write the word love. I’m not the best writer, so I’m probably going to over use the hell out of it. 😂😂😂

Okay….any who…back on topic.

This post is going to be about a specific type of love.

Self love.

I believe that there is something meaningful to be gained from every human relationship we have, and have had.

That being said…

I’ve been married twice.

I’m twenty nine years old.

*Another side note- I was hoping for three by thirty….but I’ve only been dating my current boyfriend for three weeks….soooo….no dice. 😂

Ugh…I’m so sorry! I’m having a hard time writing this post. I keep getting distracted, my thoughts racing and jumping all over the place. I’ve been working on this post off and on for two days now….

I wonder why that is?

I normally just treat these posts like they were mild PG diary entries, or a place to just brain dump.

I guess this post is a true abstract representation of the subject matter itself.

Hard to pin point.

Just like this post love can be: messy, confusing, all over the place with ups and downs. Endearing and whimsical.

Enough rambling from my crazy ass. Haha

My point is this- both of those marriages lasted about 4 years each.

After each one had ended, I felt a deep depression and mourning for time lost. A horrible self hatred and shame for making such terrible mistakes.

How could I be so weak?

How could I just lose myself like that?

Why couldn’t I see the blatant red flags that we were so obviously not suited for each other?

How could I make the same mistake F@#*ing TWICE!!!!

Well, to anyone who has made it this far, through those marriages- I finally gained self love.

I have finally realized that there are no mistakes as long as you learn from them, and try to be a better person by them. If you do that….then they transform from mistakes to life lessons.

When I read that quote…I immediately thought of my two ex husbands, and then, myself.

“Each love with it’s own flavor and spice”

Because of those two goons I’m stronger, happier, and have gained my self worth.

I look forward to all my future relationships.

I look forward to growing as a person with the help and experiences of the people around me.

I hope to anyone who is reading this….that of all the different types of love out there…you have self love. ❤

Learn to look at yourself in the mirror the way your loved ones look at you.

*Final side note- This picture is of my dog Penelope cuddling up next to me while I’m reading. The picture may not encapsulate self love….but to me….it encapsulates love as a whole.

Thank you for reading.