Brain dump #3 – Uncomfortably Lucid: A dream segment.

Dreams have always fascinated me.

You close your eyes, lull off to sleep, but your brain and body are still going a mile a minute healing the days wear and tear.

I always imagined dreaming kind of working like this:

Imagine your thoughts float around your brain like a bunch of dollar bills in a cash wind machine. Similar to the ones on game shows, and your brain is just a miniature version of you frantically trying to catch whatever cash it can. You come out of the wind machine completely out of breath, hair and clothes a mess, with a huge smile on your face and hardly any cash. The meager cash winnings are representative of your dreams. Just your brains random grasps of whatever flies by.

This is just my understanding, But, I’m no scientist. 😂

I would, however, classify myself as an “active” dreamer.

In both the literal and romantic senses.

My nights are filled with elements of sci-fi, action, and bizarre circumstances. Most of the time in a serene deep slumber.

However, every once in a blue moon, I will experience these dreams with an overwhelming lucidity.

A few years ago, I was having stress induced lucid nightmares.

Yeah …..not fun.

It took me awhile to figure out it what was causing it. Although, once I put two and two together, my lucid night terrors stopped.

The power of knowledge, my dear readers, the power of knowledge.

I would experience two different types of lucid dreaming.

1) I genuinely thought I was awake while actually sleeping.

In my dream everything would look and feel the same as it did right before I had closed my eyes. Giving me the illusion as if my eyes where still open.

During these types of dreams I would experience phantom touches and auditory hallucinations. I.e. feeling something brush my hair behind my ear, or hearing a little girl whisper, “Hello, who are you?”.

Of course this scared the ever loving shit out of me and would jolt me awake. Only after being scared awake, would I realize I was dreaming in the first place.

Or maybe It was a ghost? Ha! I’m not against the possibility.

And the answer is: No.

No I could not fall back asleep after that.

Then there was:

2) I would be “awake” in my dream.

The more common type of lucid dreaming, and hence its name. This felt like waking up in a spirit realm, Or, more like an alternate universe? The reason I say that is because I would “wake up” to me being in my room just the way it was before I fell asleep. Except this time, everything was blurry and distorted. It looked like everything was somehow spinning and had a blurry windy effect. Everything the same but not quite right.

I would realize I was dreaming, but not knowing what to do, I would start to panic.

My instinct everytime was to scream myself awake. Of course, no sound would come out. I would then realize that I couldn’t move, sleep paralysis.

Eventually I would scare myself awake.

Now, both of these versions had the same two things in common every time.

1) I always woke up terrified and bewildered.

2) They took place in my room.

The dream was always set to where I fell asleep. Confusing my reality even more.

Who knows, maybe that room was some sort of twilight zone. Ha!

This lasted for about three months. Off and on of course. Not every night for three months. Could you imagine?

Nah….f*ck that.

As I mentioned before, as soon as I realized they where stress induced, they stopped.

Until three nights ago….

This dream was entirely different. This one was a third type of lucid encounter.

3) I “woke up” in my dream, and the setting was not where I fell asleep.

I was vaguely dreaming about walking up hill. It was a dirt road with fields of grain on either side. As I was walking, I suddenly became very lucid. It literally felt like I “woke up” in my dream. Everything still looked vague and out of focus, the only things that where clear where my hands and the road. I immediately felt very uncomfortable and confused.

The other two versions I was lucid the entire time. This felt like: dream state, lucid, then trying to get back to dream state.

What do I do?

I didnt feel scared…..

All I kept thinking was:

“How do I fall back asleep in my dream?”

Then:

“Can I walk around? No. Can I change the scenery? No.”

Then back to:

“HOW THE F*CK DO I FALL BACK ASLEEP?!”

I finally did “fall back asleep” in my dream. I woke up what felt like a few hours later.

In conclusion, though lucid dreaming is fascinating, I find them to be ultimately uncomfortable and scary. Maybe one day I’ll be able to control them better?

Has anyone else had similar experiences?

Thank you for reading. ❤

Brain dump #2 – Heartbeat Theory- My reminder of lifes ups and downs

Brain dump time!

This one is gonna be short and sweet.

Ironic considering how vast and complex the actual content is.

If I tried to really get into it, viz. writing down what’s in my head, it would be a jumbled mess.

So! Ima keep it tight and tidy!

*That’s what she said? 😂

*Audible caugh* …..Sorry.

I have a theory, well, it’s not really MY theory. It’s a very popular theory of the ebbs and flows of life.

I like to think that everything moves to a rhythym.

The entire universe has a steady heart beat, and our lives are thread together by a cosmic pulse.

Everything seems to cycle.

It’s important for me to remember this, especially, when I’m going through a hard time.

No matter how hard things may get or seem, I know that better times are due.

This gets me through it.

It’s not just something I tell myself to feel better. I know it to be true. I’ve lived this up and down pattern, and everytime I’m down, I try to take lessons up with me.

The important thing to remember is to enjoy your good times for all they are worth.

Bask in the sun and frolic on top of the hill before you are pushed down it.

Once I figured out this universal pattern, I got into the the terrible habit of dreading the down stroke when I was on the up stroke.

“Yeah, things are good now, but, for how long?”

That’s no way to live.

So, I changed my mind set. I like to think of it this way.

The universe only pushes us down to make us stronger and wiser. Each time standing up a better person.

No use in dreading growth.

Thank you for reading. ❤

Any thoughts?

Brain dump #1- Life’s Quirky Glimpse- A reminder to get out of your head.

So.

I’ve decided to introduce “Brain Dumps” into my blog.

These “Brain Dumps” are going to be quick little blurbs that have nothing to do with the books I’m reading.

Just cooky little bits of my brain. 🤪

Here we go.

I love to walk.

Love. Love. Love to walk.

It gives me time to let my mind wonder while moving my body and getting my endorphins up. Fresh air in my lungs, a wee bit of sunshine, Etc.

In fact, I’ve come to my most significant realizations while walking.

Also, bonus perk, it definitely helps with my depression and anxiety.

Are you sold on walking yet? Haha

Ninety percent of the time, you will find we walking a million little circles around my “Tin Can” (which is what I lovingly call my tiny prefab home.)

I usually pound about one-six miles worth of little circles into the ground per evening. The equivalent of anywhere from thirty minutes – two hours worth of pussy footing around. *Does that count as a pun? 🤣

A lot of time spent seeing and being in the same tiny area.

The point?

When I was walking a couple of days ago I saw something that I hadn’t seen in my tiny little marching bubble before.

A WHOLE F*CKING STREET!!!

How, in the holy hell, could I have missed an entire street?

It stopped me in my tracks.

“I’ll be damned”, I thought to myself.

It was kind of camouflaged behind this chicken coop thingy and a dilapidated tear drop trailer, but still, definitely should have noticed that sucker.

What did I think was back there?

For some odd reason I just subconsciously envisioned some big ass field behind the chicken coop….thingy.

Why am I writing about this?

Well, it struck me as an important moment.

A quirky little reminder of an important life lesson I’ve been trying to practice my whole life.

Get Out of Your Head

and

Look Around You.

Now, I’m not trying to contradict myself here. I realize that earlier I had mentioned the bliss of letting my mind wonder, and that this time of reflection has indeed brought me to invaluable realizations.

However, I have the terrible habit of staying there. I constantly stay up in my own head. Walking just lets me do it without distractions, ie..work and stuff.

I constantly frett over the past and future.

Never letting myself be truly present.

Never paying attention to my life around me as its happening in the now.

Never seeing the road right in front of me.

The universe, life itself, gave me a glimpse and a reminder to be mindful.

Life is a constant balancing act, and I want to balance my introspection with my outward mindfulness.

I chose the picture with the turtle because It reminded me of a time life rewarded me for opening my eyes and being present.

I was at the lake with my mom, just blissfully taking in the air and looking at the rocks. Not a thought or care in the world. Then there he was. Cute as can be! I would have passed him up completely if I weren’t just taking in the precious moment.

Thank you for reading my brain dump.

I hope it will remind you to take a deep breath, free yourself from the imprisonment of memories and fears, and look around you.

Take in the moment. ❤